Absolute Shite I've Heard In Lectures

Monday, 1 December 2014
Hello everyone! My first semester of university is completely over now. What an experience. I can't believe how fast its gone. I think I really am a university person, it seems to suit me a lot more than high school ever did. I was doing three modules: Chemistry 1A, Mathematics for Science and Engineering 1A and Physics 1A. Pretty boring actually now that I think about it. My lecturers were all pretty great and had really good senses of humour. I started writing down some of the weird things they would say near the start of the semester and thought it would be a good blog post. This is obviously meant to be a light hearted joke and I do value my education very much.

- Petrol, butter, they're practically the same thing.
- Integration is almost an art form.
- For the love of all that is holy please invest in your own stapler and some staples to put in it.
-(one week later) I'm glad to have seen a significant increase in the number of staplers owned by physics 1a. I appreciate it.
- 1kg of Lurpak could power a double decker bus to almost the speed of light, think about that the next time you butter your toast.
- If you went up to your average person on the street, grabbed them by the lapels and screamed 'What is Newton's 3rd law?' at them then they'd probably be able to tell you the answer. Or you'd get punched in the face, that is also something to take into consideration.
- If you try and make illegal substances during your lab to make yourself a bit of income, we'll know.
- Test yourself on this. Get an alarm clock and set it to go off in the middle of the night. When you get up ask yourself 'what is cos of 60 degrees?' and if you get it right then you can go back to bed.
- Its like if all of the air in the room diffused to one half of the room and half of you suffocated to death it would be weird because that's unnatural, right?
- What would your life be like without trigonometric functions? I can't even imagine that.
- I'm sure by now you all have nightmares about the number 8.314.
-Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, Above us only sky, Imagine all the people, LEARNING MATHEMATICS FOR SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING. Ok, back to business.
- You aren't allowed to use that in labs now because it can lead to cancer. I think that's a bit of an overreaction. 
- This is the molecular structure for cannabis. When I saw a student it was quite popular but I'm sure you've never heard of it.
- This is a very efficient method. But it doesn't always work.
- Can I erase this? Or do you forbid me?
- I've had a hot air balloon ride booked for about 3 years but whenever I go it gets cancelled because of the weather. I think its a trick and there is no hot air balloon. Don't ever buy a hot air balloon experience, you'll regret it.
- You could not dream of a nicer denominator.
- I'm not very good at arithmetic. This was from my maths lecturer.

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