Things I've Actually Said To My Dog

Wednesday, 24 June 2015
I have to admit that I talk to my dog, a lot. Unsurprisingly he never talks back(not even with a bark). Unless you've ever had a dog I think its hard to understand how big a part they play in  your life. So if its just me and Batdog chilling around or out on a walk, I'm constantly talking to him. I even have a 'dog voice' and I will make two sided conversations where I switch from my voice to 'Batdog's voice'. I know I'm not crazy because so many other dog owners will admit to doing the same thing. Normally I'm just speaking a load of rubbish and I think 'Oh my god, I can't believe I'm speaking to my dog like this. Glad no one can hear me.' So obviously I'm going to blog about it. Logic.

Also it's Batdog's third birthday today. He was 10 months old when we adopted him and I can't believe he's reached that age already. He's technically older than I am in dog years! With little grey hairs under his chin he's practically an old man. Still has the maturity of a puppy and absolutely no common sense however.....
  • Some days you look like a seal and sometimes you look like a fox. Today is a fox day.
  • Ok so you can stay in the bathroom but you are not coming in the shower.
  • What do you want for your birthday?
  • Hey Sam there's a rabbit running the fuck away from you because it knows better.
  • Are you going to help me with the hoovering or be a massive pain in the butt whilst I try to do the hoovering?
  • What sort of noise do you call that?
  • Do you want a biscuit? Ok yeah that's a stupid question.
  • What do you think of these shoes?
  • Sitting nice is an intrinsic part of preparing for the walkies?
  • I wish I could take you to IKEA. You would love IKEA.
  • Can you please stop trying to pick fights with Bailey(massive cross breed that lives on our street, potentially part lion) because you cannot win that fight?
  • Who's your favourite human? Me or mum?
  • Yeah ok mum. She's my favourite human too. Who's our second favourite human? Is it me?
  • What've you got a sock for? You know you aren't allowed socks.

Do you speak to your dog? If so, what's the weirdest thing you've ever said to them?

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